Sunday, August 11, 2013

Baby, Baby, Baby!

I apologize in advance for deviating from the usual random, lighthearted content in this blog by publishing this particular post. However, as random as I may be, this subject matter has been on my mind. Thusly, I felt it was warranted to let loose here.

As you may have deducted from previous posts, Hubby and I are quite busy...and broke. We have two houses on our plate, one of which is the victim of DIY renovation. We have very little time for ourselves.

With Hubby and I between the two and three-year mark in our marriage, we seem to be getting a constant one-sided pressure...from EVERYONE. I can always predict when someone segues the conversation into the dreaded seven-words. "Are you two planning on having kids?"
Obviously, a question of that nature is quite loaded. Each couple has their own set of challenges and thoughts. To answer such a question is in many forms difficult to provide an answer.

There are many couples couples out there itching to create a family after marriage. However, I believe there are couples who possess other goals beyond the baby fever. For the couples who belong in the latter category, goals and reasons to put the baby-makin' on the back burner can be complicated.

For us, I suppose the short answer of such a multifaceted question is that Hubby and I just don't have that achy, shaky feeling to procreate. Sure, we love kiddos and understand what they bring to a couple, transforming them into a family unit. However, we also understand that they are non-stop work and attention, and complete life transformers. Telling someone that we just don't really care to procreate results in complete dissonance.

We find ourselves wondering if we are the only ones in the world that have kid ambivalence. It's not that we completely despise the thought of children, but we don't really crave the idea either. We have discussed the child-or-not-to-child topic ad nauseam. In fact, our advantage/disadvantage list would be a more extensive version of the list below, but just humor me.
Pros to kids-
1) Funny
2) A unique version of you and your loved one, blended into one cute pint
3) Teaches you patience, love and imagination
4) Carry on your family genes into the world
Cons to kids-
1) Expensive
2) Undeterminable chance of the child souring, even with quality parenting
3) Test of your patience, freedom, and sanity
4) Aren't there too many people in the world already?

I sought help with a good, reliable friend that would be unbiased with this subject matter...the internets. Are we highly unusual people mixed into society's stream? This article, on Cup of Jo's blog seemed to put my mind at ease. The variety of comments below the post, even more so.

For now, I digress. We aren't planning for children. We don't have life lined up the way we'd prefer to if we were to have children. We have many other diverse concerns associated with bringing a life into the world. And most importantly,we don't seem to possess the type of bone-traveling passion that would warrant such a major decision.

[Exception to the rule: Sometimes life throws surprises our way. A child may not be planned but worked its way into your life. Just as I thought 10 years ago, (before meeting Hubby,) I thought I'd never get married, I'm now married and love every minute of it. The same has happened with friends who have not planned for children but have has "surprise" bundles of joy and are converted advocates for kiddos.]

For all of you folks with children (who ask your friends/ family sans children if they will have children,) consider the complexities of life-altering choices. Everyone is different--with different goals, passions, desires, incomes, illnesses (mental or physical), available time, location, or careers--children should be (and are typically) factored into this equation. The equation is very complex, and answering the dreaded seven-word question is mind-boggling.

For those of you who were previously ambivalent with the idea of a planned family, what brought you clarity toward a decision? I'd love to hear from you.

Photos via,,